Sunday, May 3, 2015
I have fallen in love for many times... a thousand times, maybe.. I fully know about how my feeling is when I'm in love. I remember about the excitement of having a crush and trying to get closer with him. But the thing I remember the most is the feeling of broken heart. Well, the thing you always dream of will not instantly come as you wish, sometimes you need to struggle more to achieve what you've been dreaming of.
I, as an example, am a 24 year old girl who's been dreaming of having someone to rely on beside my family and friends. Do I have nobody who's approached me? No, many of them were coming to my way, but I don't think one of them will be THE ONE. Receiving a false hope when I thought he was into me? Yes. Being approached because he wanted to 'use' me? Of course, yes. Living in a friendzone? Many times, dude. Seems pathetic? Yes, it's not your mistake if you conclude it that way. But I never think that my love life is gonna be suck forever.
Why could I say so? Why could I be sure? Because I know, God has destined me to be ' another pair of shoe' of a guy who's living out there now, whether I know him or not. God makes me surrounded by good people who sincerely love and care about me. But as a human, even though I think my friends and my family are enough, I still can't help thinking about this guy who I will invite to row a boat together in the future. There is a guy that is very close to me these days. I've been knowing him for years. He's a good guy yet a 'player', not really sure about this, but my friends said so ( how naive I am! Duh! ). We stick together like hell and have fun together. I read a quote on the social media, 'In women-men friendship, there's no way they can avoid the sparks of love.'. Why so? Women and Men are made to be together, depend on each other, and live together. It's possible for us, women, to feel this way to our male best friends. When we can't get enough of being together with him, we tend to look for a chance to meet him and in the end, our hearts say, yes, you need him. He is the one that I need.
I do believe in it, because it happened to me several times. It's easier to be in love to someone when I know that person personally for a long time. It's more intimate and I know the reasons why I'm in love with him. But again, the closer you get to him, the more you want him for your entire life. Again, that's only your imagination. We can feel this way, but he might not feel as what we feel. This is what I call 'a dilemma' phase. I splash the signs of how I feel to him, but the response is so slow. It's not a direct response, so I have to wait for it, but the bad thing is he gives me a response when I don't understand what the hell fucking happens to him. It's all about timing. We never get it right.
As I'm not tied to anybody, I can hang out with other boys and take selfies intimately with them. But I wonder if he cares about it. He only shows me some surprising reaction when I have another guy besides me, but sometimes I conclude that's how the way he jokes around. I can't differentiate what's joke and what's serious thing now. Whenever I am not tied to anybody, I have rights to have other guys around me. So does he. He can have a lot of girls surrounding him. But this case still leaves an enormous question mark in my head. I can't even think why.
People say, that 'my guy' has such a trash past. Dating with these and those girls, a devoted playboy (okay, excuse my word, it's exaggerating), and other things. Compared to myself, he's nothing. But he's gonna be a way different when we even can't notice it. This earth revolves. So does he. I do understand, people around me said that because they care a lot about me. They just don't want me to be hurt for the thousand times. But, I always believe that God has saved someone, maybe this guy or other guys, to match his marrow bone to mine. That is what we call, we are meant to be.
